The Hotdog Eating Machine

For warm-ups.

What’s so special about hotdogs other than its highly suggestive name and physical appearance? It can actually be turned into a serious national sport or an Olympic game. I’m referring to a hotdog eating contest. The Associated Press recently, reported the exploits of a three-time hotdog eating contest champion, somewhere in New York, who logged his third consecutive winning streak. The hotdog eating contest is now gaining international coverage.

This game is not to be belittled. This is a high dangerous game. There is a high probability that contestants may choke to death. With such accidents, the end result would be a very undesirable sight: a man choked to death with 6 super jumbo hotdogs on his mouth and with eyes popping out of its sockets.

The mechanics of this game is simple. At the sound of the bell, contestants out-swallow each other with bundles of 6 to 7 super jumbo hotdog sticks. The mouth is pretty much abused in this case but with the help of a glass of water, the chunks of jumbo hotdogs slide through the esophagus down to the trachea. The one who eats the most number of jumbo hotdogs wins the contest.

Just like any other sports, contestants in a hotdog eating contest takes the necessary preparations to prim themselves up for the game. Since the mouth is the vital organ here, the contestants practice swallowing large objects, such as the fat part of a French bread or whole loaf bread. For warm ups, contestants swallow a roll of Kleenex bathroom tissue.

Contestants also develop, with deadly accuracy, the ability to breathe while the mouth is heavily soaked with jumbo hotdogs. This act belongs actually to the category of stunts. The fine maneuver of stuffing, eating, chewing, eye popping and most importantly, breathing, is what this game all about. There’s a similarity between this game and that stunt pulled by Kill Bill in one of the luxury hotels of Thailand.

In the Philippines, we have what is called banana eating contest. The bananas used in this game are the ones exported by “Stanfilco”, the big banana export company here in the Philippines. Stanfilco bananas are quite massive and long. They range from 8 to 10 inches long with diameters of 3 inches thick. No water is allowed here, just the lubrication of one’s saliva.

With the media coverage these games are getting nowadays, I would not be surprised if the Olympic committee decides to integrate them into the roster of its official games. That would surely be fun.